How to Boost Your Mindset and Motivation

How to Boost Your Mindset and Motivation

I have learned over years of coaching and counseling many clients, that it is of utmost importance to understand the nature of a person’s mindset before trying to help them with anything else.  Without knowing what kind of mindset the client has and understanding how it operates, any efforts at behavior change will likely fall flat, or worse, be demoralizing and lead to even more frustration for the client.  

Taking a hard look at our mindset can be a tricky affair though.  We believe, in our heart of hearts, we are trying our best to keep ourselves at our best.  That makes it difficult for us to see how we might be blocking our own progress with the negative messages we sometimes give ourselves.

Here are some questions to ask yourself if you’re curious about what your mindset has been doing for you:

  1. What messages am I telling myself? 
  2. How am I coaching myself — to succeed or to avoid failing?
  3. What kind of mindset to I possess — a positive, forward-looking mindset or a negative, fear-based mindset?
  4. What kind of future am I predicting for myself?  
  5. What factors in my past have caused me to feel the need to coach myself in this way?
  6. What do I fear when I think about letting go of my current negative mindset?  What do I think is going to happen?

Often the answers to the questions above are pretty frightening.  Frighteningly negative, that is.

For instance, the internal coaching conversation might sound something like this:

“Although you were a star student when you were younger, things have gotten a lot more competitive.  Your work better be better than you can even imagine before you put it out there.”

“If I finish my work and submit it, then I might actually confirm what I have been fearing all along — that I am not good enough, and that I am definitely not as talented as my friends clearly are.”

“I need to deal with myself incredibly harshly because that has gotten me far in the past.  I don’t know if I could even get anything done if I stopped being so self-critical.”

“I don’t really know what will happen if I change my way of doing things.  I’m too afraid to find out.”

The general tone of these conversations is strongly negative.  It also feels as if the conversations can only go one way — down into deeper negativity.  It is no wonder we can’t make new changes, get our work done, or concentrate well when we are steeped in negative thinking about ourselves and our future.  It would seem as if we lacked motivation, when really we’re just scared to act on our motivation.

A negative mindset insists that we keep ourselves rooted in anxiety and fear.  There’s little hope for real progress and growth when the negative mindset dominates our thinking.

The good news is, if you have a negative mindset, there are great ways to start looking at your situation in a fresh light.  Here are a few options:

  1. Read a book to be influenced by others’ experiences.  One book you might start with is The Secret from Rhonda Byrnes.  This is a book I recommend to clients who are mired in negative thinking and can’t seem to find another way.  The messages in The Secret tend to make you worried about having a negative mindset any longer.
  2. Find a simple place to start.  Since negative thinking tends to cause us to feel burdened, we need to find a simpler way of getting things done so we can feel the benefits of being active again.  You could take a quick walk around the block.  You could decide to study outside your apartment.  You could set a small goal that will take 15 minutes and get that goal accomplished.  Don’t let your thinking block you from the things you can do very easily and well.  
  3. Do something for someone else.  Send a text message to check in on a friend.  Meet up with someone for a quick lunch for fun.  Just get out of your own head.  Chances are you’ll find a more positive outlook if you do.  
  4. Declare a restart.  Remember that at any point of the year, month, week, or day, you can decide to do things a little bit differently.  No one has to know you are about to do a total reboot.  Just you.
  5. Find support.  If you feel like you are caught in your negative thinking pattern for the long haul, I urge you to seek support.  Time is too precious a thing to waste, and your life and sense of well-being are worth whatever efforts you might need to make to reclaim them.  Find a therapist or coach, mentor, or friend who might be able to lend their expertise and support to you while you figure out the best way to move ahead.  

There are so many options for you.  Unfortunately, it sometimes seems easier to stay hidden undercover where no one can find you than to show up as yourself.  It can feel too overwhelming to make changes even though you know you need and want to make them.

I want to assure you that your desire to feel better about yourself is the positive message you should be listening most closely too.  The internal knowing you naturally have will keep you grounded and safe as you go.  It will guide you into the new territory, both externally and internally, you’ve been meaning to see.

Before you go:

The Freedom from Procrastination Membership Program

If you are interested in receiving support from me in your efforts to combat Procrastination, I encourage you to consider joining me in my Freedom from Procrastination Membership Program.  The Membership Program has been up and running smoothly for about 3 months, and through it I’ve learned that the twin superpowers of having accountability and community can really supercharge everyone’s ability to make the changes they need to make.  For more information about the Membership Program, please read more here.

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25 Questions to Help You Make Positive Changes in Your Life

25 questions - WP

Have you ever wondered why it can feel so difficult to make positive changes in your life?

What I have learned from working with my psychotherapy and coaching clients over the past 20 years is this — None of us is lacking in desire to make positive changes.  It is the whole reason why people seek out psychologists and coaches in the first place. Always has been, always will be.

So, if the desire to make positive changes is not lacking, what blocks us from going forward with our plans and wishes?

My answer is PROCRASTINATION.

The more I think about the topic of Procrastination, the more I realize it underpins so many of our difficulties and problems.  Procrastination can be at the root of relationship troubles, financial predicaments, communication missteps, major health issues, and of course, productivity decline.

When we become a little too comfortable with Procrastination being a part of our operating system, we become vulnerable to its numbing effects.  As Procrastination lingers in our lives, we start to not see problems for what they are.  We start to not clean up simple messes.  We start to avoid communicating as effectively and promptly as we can.

And then we have trouble making sense of our situation.  Each of our difficulties starts to blend into the next, and we become unclear.  That is the block that prevents us from making positive changes even though we know we should or we want to quite badly.

25 Questions to Help You Make Positive Changes in Your Life

Ask yourself these questions in order to determine the extent to which Procrastination has entered into your life:

  1. Do you tend to feel overwhelmed when you look at your workspace?
  2. Do you feel like you have too much to do at any given time?
  3. Is it hard for you to focus because your mind is filled with thoughts about what you haven’t yet finished?
  4. Do you dread being contacted by other people for fear of what they’ll say?
  5. Are you self-critical?
  6. Do you feel you are efficient at getting out of your home in the morning?
  7. Is your bedroom a calm place to be?
  8. Do you feel panicky often?
  9. Is it difficult for you to relax?
  10. Do you feel like you cannot pay full attention to people who are talking to you because you are preoccupied with something else?
  11. Do you tend to be late to appointments?
  12. Do you fear failure often?
  13. Do you speak in public situations easily?
  14. Do you fantasize about having someone rescue you from your stress?
  15. Do you have difficulty letting other people know you need help?
  16. Do you have unfinished projects because you are trying to perfect them?
  17. Is it difficult for you to focus for more than 15 minutes at a time?
  18. Do you estimate time well?
  19. Are you afraid of being seen as incompetent or irresponsible?
  20. Do you have difficulty saying “no” to requests that don’t suit your needs well?
  21. Do you have difficulty saying what you mean in a direct manner?
  22. Are you involved in projects or activities that you feel are a waste of your time?
  23. Do you wonder why you spend as much time as you do running errands or shopping?
  24. Is your closet overflowing?
  25. Do you feel you have to tell people untruths to make them feel better or to make yourself look better?

I made the list of questions above to show you how the dynamics of Procrastination work.  They:

  • make us doubt ourselves
  • make us misspeak
  • make us off-synch with time
  • cause us to feel stressed
  • cause us to feel uncomfortable in our spaces
  • cause us to feel nervous when we are with people and when we are alone
  • cause us to feel distracted
  • cause us to feel insecure
  • cause us to feel exhausted
  • cause us to feel unfocused

To sum it up, Procrastination can be a very toxic factor in our lives and can prevent us from making positive changes.  We may think to ourselves, “Oh, I just have an issue with clutter,” but the single issue of clutter is a symptom of the larger issue of Procrastination and delayed action. 

Whenever we delay action, there is a consequence.  When we Procrastinate too much, we are forced to deny the consequences in order to feel okay.  If our eyes were really open, we would feel uncomfortable about putting so many things off into the future.

Procrastination causes anxiety.  Each of us should work diligently to keep anxiety at bay.  It’s just a killer.  A killer of creativity, of courage, of individuality, of spirit.  When you remove anxiety from your mind-space, you create room to make positive changes.

Yes, you can make positive changes too

Pick the ONE question that really jumped out at you from the list of 25.  You know, the one that made you startle or think twice.  

Make a plan to resolve that area of difficulty or unease and make that your focus.  Make it happen.  You will find yourself feeling relief once you make your problem disappear.  You will also set the stage for making positive changes (and not Procrastination) a habit.

If you need assistance, ask for it and seek it out with the right person.  Or a few people even.  It will be worth your time, energy, and resources to learn how to get rid of your Procrastination and to feel like you are in flow instead.  Go get ’em.

News to Share:

1.  I’ve been enjoying the cameraderie and engagement in the Procrastination Coach Facebook Group that has been growing steadily week to week.  If you’d like support for your efforts to defeat Procrastination, please join us in the Procrastination Coach Facebook Group.

2.  I recently compiled a group of 13 free downloads that are useful to Procrastinators who are interested in finding new ways to organize their morning, their plans, and their schedule (and more).  Register here to receive the password for all of the downloads in the Free Resource Library:
Click Here to Get Access

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